Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Come on Over to My Dark Side

Okay, I confess.  My dark side is maybe only a slightly murky side.  Darth Vader wouldn't pay attention to me at all or try to tempt me further over.  My cat has a darker dark side than I do.  I am perpetually nice, promoting that silly Canadian stereotype everywhere I go.  I have been told things like, "You need to find your inner bitch"; "All of your paintings are so happy, you need to experiment out of your comfort zone"; and "I don't know how you do it.  I could not be as nice."  I am who I am.  I don't try to be this way and I don't try to be different.  But don't underestimate me, I'm not weak.    I bend instead of breaking and I will bend a little further than others might before I spring back up and shake off the weight of trouble.

I don't know how a woman is supposed to find her inner bitch and to be honest I don't want to. But I decided it wouldn't hurt to check out my artistic dark side.  It's still not very dark. In fact it's looking damn colourful.


                      Challenged by a friend to paint a skull in a fruit bowl.

                                Self portrait-mixed media/collage-done while in
                                 a dysfunctional marriage

And this one is still on my easel.  Honestly I don't know what the hell that one is all about.

So even when I get a bit dark I still choose colours I love.  I like to think that's representative of my persistent optimism and my strength.  I will survive and I will thrive.  It's in my colours.

14 comments:

  1. that scull is the cutest one i ever seen :-)
    the dark side of a woman is not about dark colors or being bitchy. at least outside of north america.....
    i´ve been there. nothing to talk about in public. but it was really good and really bad. and very exhausting. maybe for that reason i feel so old sometimes. much older then my actual years.
    you selfportrait is a great piece of art - even if you don´t added the capture everyone with eyes can see the sadness and loneliness. and the strength which fought you out of this misery!
    glad that you made it!!

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    1. LOL-yes trust me to make a cute skull. ;-) In truth, I believe there is no dark without light. At least not to our human perception. To me darkness is more sadness than bitchiness, but if one thinks of light and dark as opposites, then the opposite of who I am is bitchy. There is logic in there somewhere. ;-)
      What always strikes me about the sad self portrait, is that it was created five years before I realised the reality of my situation. That woman is sad and lonely and doesn't even know why.

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    2. you came a long way! "better late then never" we say here. very interesting what our art/creative outlet says about us - if we listen......

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  2. I really like your self portrait, and the eyes painting, they are powerful. I don't think that exploring darker emotions or themes has to mean a lack of colour; Picasso's Weeping Woman is a painting of great sadness, pain and anguish, using bright colours. Is having a dark side the same as releasing your inner bitch? No, surely not; one can have strong opinions and emotions and recognise our negative traits without imposing them on others. Or so I like to think (as I swallow down my bile and irritation and impatience at the stupidity of half the world...!) I think you are much, much nicer than me, Shawna! xxxx

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    1. Thanks, Curtise. I think what I may have meant-and of course I often don't really know what I mean or what the hell I am blethering on about- is that the colours that are so me are part of what shapes who I am and my ability to fight my way out of darkness. I do like your point about the Weeping Woman and I will love you forever for putting me and Picasso in the same paragraph!

      I do indeed have strong opinions and emotions just like most people, though I don't consider that dark. In fact, if I have not offended someone yet with something I've said on my blog I would be really surprised. That's just how it goes. But if I have I will feel awful and saying 'that's just how it goes' is my way of consoling myself. I don't think I am nicer than you. I see a great deal of kindness in you. I read your comments on other blogs. I suspect that anyone who messed with someone you care about would be in for a treat. ;-)

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  3. Have you tried being hungry? I'm always a total ass when I'm hungry :D
    Hahaha, the last drawing- awesome psychedelic art right there!!! *_*

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    1. Hah now that made me laugh! I am indeed very grumpy when hungry. The sad thing is, I don't even know how to be a bitch when grumpy. ;-)
      Thank you for the compliment on those weird eyeballs! I'm relieved to know they aren't giving anyone nightmares.

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  4. I really like all of them! I think the skull one is just awesome, because the first thing I noticed was the skull, but, it took a minute to realize how out of place it was. Very captivating!

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    1. LOL-it's a baby skull so that is either really cute or really creepy. Baby skull thanks you for the vote of appreciation!

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  5. Oh Shawna, your art is beautiful. The scull is not scary at all, but maybe it doesn't need to be - at the end, it wasn't even YOUR idea to draw it. The eyes on the third picture are very striking. I can see why you are painting this one. But the self-portrait is really powerful. How is it possible that you haven't seen what made you that lonely for five more years? Although, very often it's just that we do not want to see, especially us, kind and nice bunch. I did something similar in my first marriage - I would take self-portraits with my camera and draw self-portraits to really look into myself. It is still very sad to look at those (and I don't). But when we really want to grow, we eventually shake it off and just move on... realizing that there is no anyone's fault... I am in a difficult emotional situation now, but I'm deciding to let it go and move on. There is no point in being bitchy. Though, I suspect that most of the art (including writing) is about working through our own inner issues. (And that is why I am not interested in reading these days at all.) But we are free to create such a therapeutic art for ourselves and just not show it to anyone. I want to create art which uplifts and gives people peace, joy and light. Including ME. Because that is what I am looking fir in books and everything else. And there is nothing false about it. I think very often it is not what happens is a problem, but the way we choose to look at it. You are a very talented person. I think it's OK to be grumpy and angry sometimes. But there is always light, and it is our choice to see it or not. I think you choose to see it. I don't know you very well, of course, but what I sense is that you are a very accepting person, and ultimately you too want that everything everywhere was ok for everyone. It's not even optimism, it's much deeper and more real than it.

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    1. You are the sweetest! I think you bring joy and light just by being yourself. I hope the difficult emotional time is soon over and that your art can help to sustain you. I'm sending you big hugses!

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    2. Big hugses are always much appreciated! :)
      And now I understand where Russian supermodels and secret princesses came from, yes? :) I loved that, by the way. :)

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  6. The last painting I title "looking into infinity". The eyes sear my soul! Not a comfortable painting to hang on the wall, but maybe a cathartic one :-)

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    1. Thank you for naming my painting. I am quite neglectful about giving them titles. It is still sitting on my easel and seems sort of neutralised there. Perhaps because on the easel I am in control of it. I did consider hanging it in the foyer to scare away unwanted guests. ;-)

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