Lately I'm doing them. Or at least trying to. I doubt I will ever be seen parading around in stilettos, since comfort and practicality still matter to me. But a chunkier heel or a wedge approximately three inches suddenly seemed doable. As well, two pairs of appealing sandals in a spectacular sale also seemed very doable.
I think I may walk a little self consciously in them. I certainly am self conscious, though mostly about my height. I suppose there are deep and dark psychological reasons for that. I can easily put my finger on two of them. One is that while most women feel feminine in heels, I feel less feminine when I am taller than most of the guys around. That tiny little Disney princess image of the ultimate in femininity has permeated my psyche. The ideal heroine is tiny. Even if she is tough and strong, much is made of her being a tough and strong tiny woman, even when that strength has more to do with character than muscle. And when time comes for the romance or sex, whichever you prefer, she has to be tiny enough to be swept of her feet by the handsome hunk of a man.
Models, may be tall but they are about half my width so I can't say I identify with them either. We might be told they are beautiful, all long and willowy but I've only got half that equation down, the long part.
So the take home message for me has always been, you are not the feminine ideal, not even close, you great big galumph, and because you are bigger than average we expect and assume that you are tough so we will treat you that way but if you act too tough we will call you a bully. (I guess there may be some childhood incidents creeping in here) And don't go thinking you look like a model because you are not nearly skinny enough.
Random Boy to Shawna: "Gee you're tall for a girl"
Random Boy to Shawna : "You have big feet for a girl"
Random Classmates to Shawna: "Hey Stilts!"
Random person to Shawna: "Can you reach that thing up there for me?"
And I have never really been a person who wanted to stand out. But here I am putting on some heels, not because they make me taller but in spite of it. It's shoe therapy at a whole new level!
It's funny to look at the pictures and the heels don't even really look high and yet for me they feel dangerous like I've climbed a tall tower and am teetering at the edge. I have also considered that my attempting to walk in them makes me sashay somewhat and I am not sure a bumless woman is mean to sashay. Isn't sashaying all about bums?
Well what do I know. I'm just a neurotic, tall woman in 3" heels heading off to have coffee at the grocery store with a dear friend who will be wearing sneakers.
A little acting is required. Let's take awkward self consciousness....