Friday, 9 May 2014

I Am Me and That is That

This post's topic is inspired by the delightful Sue, who can be found here cursing merrily and whose wardrobe and hair I want to steal.  I am happily toasting Sue today in honour of her 25th birthday.  In a perfect comment she left on one of my posts recently, Sue said, "you are you and that is that."  I love a nice pithy statement and I wanted to add this to my chalkboard wall. So I did, where there was a nice empty space up top.  I quote Sue along with the Dalai Lama, Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain and Dr Seuss. 




This wall is visible from my sitting room and I love it so much.  When I moved in it was just a big blank white wall.  It's at the end of my kitchen opposite to my little art nook.  I do not love this crazy kitchen floor I have but I will be living with it for a long time.  It is cork tile and comfortable under foot but it damages about as easily as a soft vinyl or linoleum floor does. 

But as usual, I have digressed.


Sue's comment tied in with a conversation I'd been having with my mum the day before. I have a bit of a history of friendships (including a marriage) with people who did not accept me for who I am but rather loved me for how they saw me and then became angry with me when I did not always fit their mould, did not think or behave the way they wanted me to. All of these relationships ended messily with me quite hurt.  Fortunately I am tougher than I look and I recover well.  Mum wondered aloud what it was that I repeated, what did I chose or fall for over and over again that leads to these bad relationships.  The answer came to me immediately without any thought because of the words mum used.

"I didn't choose."  Yes, that was it.  In all of the cases where I have been hurt and felt betrayed by someone who was supposed to love me, these people had pursued me, practically courted me.  Was that flattering?  Hell yeah.  Did that appeal to me because it was easy?  Hell yeah to that too!  My two closest girlfriends are women I have known for over a decade but took a very long time to become close to. None of us are extroverted, outgoing, forward or assertive when it comes to making friends.  We danced shyly around each other for years.  Discovering that we have things in common, a deep mutual respect and affection and that these are friendships that are real, has been a slow and meaningful process.  Loyalty based on these true feelings means everything to me .

I am me and that is that.  It took longer than it should have, but I found people who see that me and are still sticking around.

And I am not really me if I am not wearing something brown.  I know, I know, I LOVE purple, I really like blue and green and red, but I am a very earthy person and I love brown too.

I started out in this outfit which is all thrift except the sandals.  But I was too cold.

I had to add some layers and in this photo I accidentally cut off my boots, but you know these boots so you can just imagine my feet.  In this case everything is second hand but the long sleeved tee shirt.


Linked up to Second Hand First at The Citizen Rosebud! 

20 comments:

  1. Oops, I'll start again!
    Your chalk wall is a fantastic idea. And Sue will be delighted to be quoted there, and in such illustrious company. And of course she is right too.
    It's fascinating when an insight falls out of the sky into your lap like that. And I know what you mean about the flattery of being wooed and pursued. But it's only really flattering if the person they are courting is really you, not an imagined, idealised version. It's taken me a long time to realise that too. How lovely to have found some really good, loyal, trustworthy friends.
    Love those shades of blue/teal on you! xxx

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    1. I forgot to put Sue's name under the quote. I must fix that. You are very insightful too and I am always arriving behind you on a blog and saying, 'yeah, what Curtise said.' Like me, you are a bit more wordy so not as easy to fit you on my wall! LOL
      I suppose I was once very naive and just did not imagine that a person could or would be that way. I am so open and honest, such an open book with my heart on my sleeve, I tend to forget not everyone is. Also, I am not inclined to pursue people so if they pursue me that takes a lot of the work out of it. LOL. Okay, so I am lazy.
      xo

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  2. I love your flowers on the blackboard! As well as the sayings of course :-) the combination of brown and teal is wonderful. I'm not really drawn to wearing brown unless it's paired with mossy greens. I think that is my earthy colour. Even though I wear bright so often as well :-) I too have a history of disastrous relationships because I was pursued and flattered. But I also have a history of running scared because the idea of a relationship frightened me (even if they were probably blameless!)

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    1. It's so much easier to see that with hindsight. At the time it's just nice to be making a new friend in a way that seems so effortless. Relationships never frighten me. I jump right in trustingly. Having been burned a few times though I'm probably a bit more cautious now.
      xo


      I love mossy green, but don't really have any in my wardrobe right now. If it's too yellowish it doesn't look good near my face. I love mossy green with purple. That's one of my favourite combinations. I also like it with teal, aqua or turquoise. And definitely with brown.

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  3. Well, this board kicks ass! I love it! :D When it comes to people, most of them are jerks. Or to use Sue's quote "They are jerks, and that is that". It is extremely hard to find someone you can count on and someone who accepts you the way you are. I still haven't found that one friend. My boyfriend is playing the part of the boyfriend and best friend, which is okay I guess, but I would love to find someone that is a woman... :D It's weird how I can relate to so many people on the internet, and that I have blogger friends from all over the world, but not in real life :D

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    1. I believe that your partner should be your best friend too. It is absolutely right and appropriate in my opinion, that your boyfriend is your best friend. But women do tend to also want a female friend or two whom they are close to. Not all of them, but many of them. Boyfriends can only listen to so much girl-talk! In my lifetime many friends have come and gone. People do change and drift apart or get busy with their lives. Since I have so many opinions I'll share another one: The internet gives us a vast community from which to find people we can have things in common with and so we can find friends, but I suspect that even among those internet friends many would not work out for us in offline life. And here's my last one: Extroverts often do not know what to do with an introvert and there are more extroverts out there. Introverts tend to want deeper friendships with fewer people whereas the extroverts are busy juggling many activities and many friends.
      xo

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  4. I am writing this with absolutely no intention of belittling either Sue or your chalkboard. However, i think that if I had a chalkboard, and I am me, the philosophical me ... I would scribe "I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam". That pretty much encapsulates the very essence of my soul. :

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    1. Well you are you and that is silly! And we both know that!
      xo

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  5. There is no one alive who is youer than you!
    Isn't it true, Shawna? :)

    I loved your board - great inspirational tool. I think I know what you mean. Though, I still believe that we choose everything ourselves, and when we give the power to choose to other people... well, that's exactly what we choose that particular moment. It's great to get your power back and tell the world that you are the one who chooses for herself now! And it's wonderful to have such beautiful friends as you have. Those who treasure you for who you are and also are ready to grow with you - that's the rarest thing on earth, in my very humble opinion. xxxxx

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    1. More Dr Seuss quotes! The man was a genius. Yes, we can choose not to choose-lol. Or choose to not think about something. Or choose to do nothing. I used to choose to believe that all people who pursue my friendship are actually worthy of it. I'm choosing that one less and less now.
      xo

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  6. What the hell, I'm just gonna say 'what Curtise said', she just does the best comments and I don't often have anything to add! xx

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    1. Yes, it's either very annoying or very easy, to be commenting after Curtise. LOL. She always gets it bang on. :-)
      xo

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  7. I followed you over from Bella's Secondhand First Link Up and am so glad I did. Your words resonate to me: I had a fiance that loved his idea of me, rather than myself. For a while I tried to conform to that ideal, but thankfully came to my senses before we married.

    Your chalk wall is fantastic. And I love your layered outfit, specially the blue tunic. Keep being you.

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  8. Hi Rella, it's nice to meet you. I'm glad you figured it out before you married. I was slow to realise that people were like that and had a few female friendships that went badly, but in the case of my marriage it took longer to show up. Well, live and learn! Thanks so much for visiting and leaving a comment. I will pop on over to see you now!
    xo

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  9. have to copy the chalk wall for our house!
    i know this - i had a "hang" for people who are not good for me almost my whole life. it took years of coaching and hard work to come over this. but still i have to be careful.....

    your outfit is so totally you! i can see it in your posture! and brown and blue together is a gorgeous combination. after my egypt trip, where i was surrounded by muted blues and browns i made a project at my art school with this colors.
    and you remembered me - can almost smell the dust :-)
    xxxx

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  10. I think I have had enough experience that I would now be better at recognising this type of person who used to gather me up in a tide of exuberant desire for friendship. In some ways it was my politeness that contributed to that. If someone pursued me it seemed rude to rebuff them.

    Sorry about getting dust in your nose. ;-) I didn't know that muted blues and browns would be associated with Egypt. That's interesting! People always give me a weird look when I say I love brown. I say, well brown is the colour of the earth and I am a very earthy person.
    xo

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  11. I want a chalk board wall to cover in Dr Seuss and other favourites of mine and a few of my own little gems!!! We have a wall of tall behind the door in the kitchen which has the boys and all their friends heights and dates on it, but a chalk board wall would be the very best!!!!

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  12. I've been toying with the idea of making "chalk board things," as in wall, and some suitcases, dresses etc. Seeing your wall, which really adds such a great feel to your space, clinches it for me: project chalk must get underway! Love your outfit and the boots are what turn it from a 10 to an 11. You frock, Shawna. And. That is that.

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    1. I painted the door of my pantry cabinet in chalk board paint as well. It's a white melamine type cabinet door and I painted the raised panel part of it. that's where I write my grocery list as I think of items I need. :-)

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