My mother keeps telling me that it won't be long now before I hit menopause. This is said cheerfully and with encouragement, like "it won't be long now before we arrive at (insert exciting destination here like Disneyland or Paris). I doubt I suffer nearly as much as some women do, but my cycle has not been an easy thing and for the past 33 years have experienced PMS of the kind beyond what Midol can cope with. Mid cycle, not just one or two days prior to menstruation, but mid cycle, so that for ages I didn't even connect it to having my period, I get a variety of symptoms that make me feel ill rather like coming down with the flu and a dose of extra neurotic/depressed/anxious weird stuff. Add that on top of the M.E. and it can leave me functioning quite poorly. Then toss in your usual pre-menstrual symptoms like bloating and back ache and head aches and make sure those arrive in the week before the period. I am thankful only that I don't suffer from cramps. As I approach my late forties-okay who I am I kidding I am IN my late forties- my hormones are having a party and getting drunk each night while I drown in night sweats for a week or two leading up to my period. It all adds up to making me feel damn unsexy which is somewhat ironic I think, given that all of this actually has to do with my reproductive system.
I would like to propose a new sort of reproductive system. It's time you got on this God, because really it must be pointed out that you messed up big time with this first plan. The new and improved female reproductive system will function differently. A woman will have no symptoms, no fuss nor muss until she actually wants to have a child. At that point she will become fertile and will feel herself to be the sexiest creature on the planet, and she will glow with an aura and radiate a fragrance that is irresistibly sexy to the mate she has chosen to procreate with. Then there will of course be frequent opportunities created for impregnation to take place. It has been 20 years since I wanted to conceive. Twenty years of this pointlessly being harassed by my own body.
So yes, I've figured out a few things and one of them is that God is not a woman. The other is that I am fed up with all of this and want no more of it, PERIOD. And that, I figure, is where we get that terminology!