Never say never because it will only mean you end up contradicting yourself. That is the advice I generally give myself and yet still I am fond of tossing out that N word. For instance, sometimes I will say "I never wear leopard." and other times I say, "I never wear sparkles". And then what do you know, I find that a purple leopard tee shirt is something my wardrobe has been missing and a cute little denim vest with a few sparkly bits on it turns out to be just what I've been needing. Soon I'll find myself buying and wearing polka dots! Especially since I have fallen in love with Sues shoes. Oh do try saying that over and over again as quickly as you can...Sue's shoes, Sue's shoes, Sue's shoes...... Here you will find the shoes, which Sue says are boots. Boots, shoes, shoes boots, whatever they are they are delightfully dotty and here I am going about saying I don't like polka dots. And then Sue went and did this darn her and I fell for polka dots again!
In this post I won't be wearing any sparkles or dots or purple leopards though. Today's never is a big loose shapeless sundress. First there is the fact that I love it and then secondly there is the fact that it is not very flattering. Ooops those things aren't supposed to be compatible. After all it's not my goal to make myself hideous. It's a hot summer day though, over eighty and when it gets like that there is a danger I could be cranky. Cranky and sweaty. We don't want that, no we don't! So I am sitting about sexily in this dress because it looks great if I'm sitting down, and actually pretty cute from the front but the profile is not a thing of beauty. Of course my own profile is also not a thing of beauty. This dress is perfect for sipping lemonade and trying to get caught up in my blog reading.
Yes that is a giant peace sign on the front. No proper hippie would be caught without one! This dress is also perfect for showing off Jason's recent artistry. The poor man has to deal with my masses of fine hair that are wavy in some spots and straight in others, not to mention crooked ears and eyebrows.
Okay, back to the dress and why it should be a never. It looks like a maternity dress. It's meant for a waif and I am neither pregnant nor a waif. In fact this dress shows off my rather meaty arms of which I am not too fond. Yes, I will actually show you the bad angle though I am just vain enough not to show you the REALLY bad angle. This dress highlights all my worst flaws but other than the meaty arms I am not going to actually tell you what those flaws are.
See how in this last photo I look like I want to punch the camerawoman? That's because we are getting dangerously close to the BAD angles.
One of the reasons I am getting away with this dress shape is because of all the flesh that is showing. I used to dress in shapes like this and add leggings and a cardigan. Then I would see a photo of myself and wonder why I looked fifty pounds heavier than I am. I've learned that a bit of visible flesh is slimming. Not that my flesh is slim all over, but it is at least less bulky than when it is encased in many layers.
So now you know that I just might wear a voluminous dress, purple leopard and a tiny touch of sparkle, and that I'm even pondering polka dots despite having said NEVER to all of those. There are a couple of nevers that will remain so, though. One is naked photos and the other is profile photos, neither of which shall ever be posted on the internet. Never.