I am struggling to keep up with reading the blogs I wish to and leaving comments I wish to. I plug away at it but am well behind, and it has dawned on me that making daily rounds visiting online is not much less difficult than it would be for me to do that if I were hopping into a car and making visits to friends around town. What I want to do and what I can do are so often not the same. I struggle to figure out why it takes so much more energy or ability to read and comment than it does to bang out some sort of personal ramblings on my own blog. I probably won't find a satisfactory answer other than the knowledge that different parts of the brain perform different functions and I do have a neurological illness and which parts of my brain get affected and which don't is not in my control. For instance, I can often hold a deep philosophical discussion on a day when I cannot fill out a simple form or dial a lengthy series of numbers into the phone.
I love reading the comments you leave on my blog and I have always loved replying to them. It is difficult for me not to both in that it is impolite to say nothing when someone addresses you and in that I love to converse with people. Lately though I am finding those responses impossible to get out of the stubborn old mule just as I am finding it difficult to read and comment on other blogs. Here though, on my own blog, words come tumbling out my fingers from a direct link to my brain. Perhaps they are not brilliant thoughts but more of a stuck record (oh I do delight in mixing metaphors-it must be the rebel in me) offering up a repetition of my mildly neurotic thoughts. I write because I must, just as I paint because I must. I am both confused and grateful that both seem to be among the last functions I lose when my body and brain are refusing to cooperate.
Today, whatever else my brain is struggling with, it cannot let go of the gratitude for the many wonderful people I have met through blogging, people who offer friendship, kindness, support and affection, no matter how I perform. You might wonder what the heck I am on about now, but for a good portion of my life I found myself entangled with people who did not offer such acceptance or understanding. It was so pervasive that for years I did not even see it. Now I am moving on in life and just being me, full of flaws and full of love, as I always have been, but now I find I am in an open space free to move as I must move, or not move, without judgment or external criticism. I have found the space to be able to say, here I am so take it or leave it. Thank you to those of you who take the time to visit and leave comments. I know how much effort that requires and I am honoured. Know that in my heart I cherish you all, even if I cannot make my actions reflect that as well as I would like. I enjoy your blogs and who you are, what you do and how you express that. Thank you for being part of my life.
And Now The Stuff About Clothes....
I got dressed today by rapidly grabbing colours that appealed to me. They skew a bit warm so are perhaps not my best colours but it's only fair that I don't dazzle the world with my beauty every day.
I just love the embroidery on this skirt. Yes you have possible seen it before, but I have two of them-one is brown on top and blue on bottom and the other is the reverse.
And for taking out the garbage and checking the mail box, a hat and boots were required.
Okay, the hat wasn't really required, I just like my hat and it fell out of the hat basket when I opened the closet and it asked me to wear it. Who am I to refuse?