Sunday, 30 November 2014
You Are Cordially Invited Inside My Head
There is always a great deal of buzz going on in my head. While I definitely need to find methods of coping with that, the answer does not lie in believing that the way I am is wrong. This is who and what I am. I am a natural born apologiser, peace-maker, excuse-maker and accommodator and potential door mat (which breaks that nice rhythm of all those -er words I was building). I am generally described by people as really nice. I bubble and enthuse at times and can be serious and intense at others. I love people but I am still an introvert who needs much alone time, which leaves me alone with my thoughts. Many thoughts all happen at the same time, much of them prone to analysing, worrying planning and endlessly attempting to understand things better. My brain is like this computer, where I usually have several tabs open and am looking at or reading about many different things. I also usually have more than one book on the go.
Writing out my thoughts, the serious and the trivial, helps by getting them outside of my head. It's like taking them and putting them on a shelf and although I always did it by hand in a notebook, often before going to sleep at night, I can put many more of them on that shelf if I use my computer. I am even more productive, if I can use that term, when I write them for this blog, when there is a presumed audience or perhaps it is that I need people to give the thoughts away to. 'Here you go,' I say, 'I am overwhelmed by these and must give them away. Here are the thoughts from Monday morning or the thoughts from Wednesday afternoon.' But you might not want them. Some of them are definitely less coherent or do not come to any sort of conclusion and because of that I actually have seventy-seven draft posts on file. I reached one hundred posts somewhere after half a year of blogging and did not feel it was anything to celebrate. I was rather embarrassed by my prolific posting actually.
Knocking out my thoughts through the keyboard, just as I am doing right now is easy. They are constantly arranging themselves almost essay like inside my head and banging against the walls of my skull to be let out. I have not slowed down posting blogs because I ran out of things to say, but rather I became embarrassed at having a disproportionate amount of energy for spewing out blogs compared with what I have for reading them. Or reading anything for that matter. The world of blogging has opened up a whole new arena of friends and acquaintances readily accessible to a semi-housebound introvert BUT just as I limit my circle of friends because I cannot give all that I would expect myself to give, I find it is the same way online and I am bogged down by the social niceties and the etiquette involved in blog visiting, commenting, responding to comments on my own blog and not being able to live up to my own desires to visit everyone and have a lovely chat and give out hugs and spread the love.
I know myself well and know how to cope with who I am but that doesn't mean I don't have plenty of aha moments. Writing this blog helps me sort through my thoughts in many ways but blogging does seem to come without guilt. Not that anybody is forcing you to read this or to comment, but sometimes I think to myself that it seems so awful to be writing a blog that is all about me me me and to not always have the energy to go out there and visit and read about you you you. As you can imagine, I have given this lots of thought. It's my specialty. At least all of that thinking usually leads me to some consoling ideas, one of which is this one: This blog is all about me (actually not all about me but more accurately expressed as only about me) because I do not think it is my right to write about the other people in my life more than in passing and making only kind and complimentary comments. This blog is also significantly about my personal journey, a journey which lately has involved much focus on clothing. It's a journey into where a new and different life, figuring out what I want to wear, what I think looks best on me, how I want to present myself, and who I really am are all connected. I hope that in some way reading my thoughts and experiences can help other people with theirs. Or, that it is mildly entertaining because I am quite happy to entertain you.
Is there any sort of conclusion in this post or is it just a ramble through my head? Well a bit of both, of course. In my attempts to correct some of my wrong-thinking tendencies, my inclination to be very hard on myself and critical of myself, I have been relating this to what I wear, what I have believed I should or should not wear I have been hard on myself for even having such an issue. I questioned my questioning nature. I criticised myself for being who I am. I am finished with that. Honest, I took an online test and I really am not a neurotic, but what I do know is that I am is a Dressing Your Truth Type 2 and although I resisted that system and doubted the Type 2, and I have not purchased the programme at all, there is no doubt in my mind that I am a Type 2 (yes I know, I too initially cringed at the whole concept of a type) but what has happened is that I recognise myself so clearly that I no longer believe I am flawed. Now, I am a certain type of person, still unique, but with tendencies and characteristics that others like me share, and most importantly I can recognise that I must stop trying to change myself, trying to be what I am not. It is often said that you cannot be lovable until you love yourself. I have never not loved myself but have always carried with me the idea that I might not be acceptable or that I might not be 'right' as I am in addition to the guilt for feeling that way. A heavy burden. I refuse to carry it any longer.
This is not an endorsement; I am sharing a resource. At first look DYT is a system for figuring out what to wear but it goes further. It goes into behaviours and thought patterns and personality and links those to ways of dressing and presenting yourself. Many women seem to be in denial of or resistant to who they are and this system can be helpful. Like all systems it is flawed and some people have criticisms of the system and/or the founder. I know many women who are blogging about their style will not feel at all that they are in need of figuring anything out. This system will not be for them. Some people embrace the system literally and others interpret it along with and in accompaniment to other systems.
Dressing Your Truth- there is a course that can be purchased and there are books but there is also much free information on the website including videos.
Identify Your Type
This link takes you to a quiz that helps you find your DYT type quite accurately though it is not created by or endorsed by the DYT company.
Find Your Type Quiz