Sunday, 22 February 2015

In My Head, It's Only In My Head

I have a busy brain and one of the more challenging things for me to do is to meditate.  In fact, concentrating on only one thing is a great enough challenge, never mind letting all thoughts go.  My brain is a border collie, rounding up thoughts, nonsense, anything that seems to be going astray and should be neatly corralled instead, packed into the dense herd of all my other thoughts, all the snippets of songs, ideas, overheard conversations and philosophical thoughts that refuse to leave me.  Many of my thoughts get repeated over and over the way a slightly damaged vinyl record might have way back in the dark ages when I was young.  If this is inevitable, I prefer them to at least be interesting thoughts.  I prefer them to be things I can somehow deal with by writing them down.  If my brain is the border collie, then writing is its master.

I was making myself a meal.  One of my latest regular meals is poached eggs atop some ham and cheese I have melted together under the broiler.  I cracked three eggs into a small saucepan and since my brain is often narrating my activities it said to me, "three eggs."  Then it said, "three little eggs" and then it got really fancy and said "three little eggs from school" and sang the words.  This was fun.  This needed repeating.  Three little eggs from school, three little eggs from school, three little eggs from didn't take too long before I was tired of that but would brain stop?  No of course not.  Master had to signal to the dog, change it up.  "Three little maids from school, three little maids from school"  This time it is sung in an accent that sounds like Anna from Downton Abbey with particular emphasis on the way she would say 'maids'.   The meal was ready, the tea was poured and I sat down to eat.  Anna, still singing in my head that same refrain, "three little maayhhds from school"  I looked at my plate, took a sip of tea and the song changed, now a chorus of Von Trapp children singing "tea with ham and eggs, ham and eggs.  Tea with ham, ham and eggs."  I eat, I wonder vaguely when my brain is going to shut up or at least come up with something more interesting.  I didn't get much sleep last night so I suppose I must be charitable.  I must forgive my brain for being so uninspired.

I try to think of other things.  I think of the sweet little cat who has just come to live with me this weekend.   She is an older cat.  She is twelve and has lived her whole life with my ex husband's step daughter.  Changes in circumstances lead to her needing a new home.  Changes in my circumstances lead to my missing a little furry bundle of love.  It was meant to be.  Her name is Matty.  I already love her.  How can I not?  She is small and sweet and purrs like a jet engine.  She comes to me tomorrow and I am certain that snuggling Matty will be like meditation, will calm down my brain, will probably help me stop petting my son's leg every time I see him.  That sounds so much worse than it is, actually.

Matty and I need each other. We can sit together and think deep thoughts, as everyone knows all cats do.


  1. Lovely!!! Totally get the busy brain thing. Mine tends to pull my body with it, so I lie exhausted after having done too much! Brain still rushing around organising, quoting, making up poetry, echoing snippets of music, or repeating endlessly interesting words or rather just one interesting nauseum!
    Matty, yay!! She sounds perfect. May your brain calm and purr in rhythm with the cat. So happy for you! xo Jazzy Jack

  2. Matty looks beautiful, I'm sure you and she will make each other every happy.
    Anna in Downton Abbey has a Yorkshire accent, not quite like me (since I'm not a Yorkshire native) but certainly like most people in my city. xxx

  3. I can't wait to hear how Matty settles down ... Sounds like the two of you are going to have a lot of fun!!!

    Hope you get some sleep to quiet those singing voices!!!!

  4. It sounds like you and I have similar minds! And now I am singing little ditties in my head!

  5. Gilbert and Sullivan tunes contain addictive ingredients: a well-know scientific fact! The Mikado is not only addictive -- it's contagious. And now I've caught it, "I've got a little list..da, dum..."

    My own household mistress of meditation is an ancient feline, Mme. Mephi Wu. Although Matty is some years her junior, she'll no doubt be able to cope with the border collie syndrome afflicting your busy brain, Shawna. Cats vs collies is no contest.

    "A waaandering minstrel, I, a thing of rags and tatters..."
    De, do, de do, dah, dah, dah; de doodledy, doodledy doo...."

  6. Oooooh, you've got a new kitty! Hooray for Matty, she looks like she means business! :-D
    And yeah, my brain does this stupid shit all the time. He especially likes to make up jokes and then laugh at them. He's not very clever!

  7. Oh jeez, this sounds like me. I have the hardest time falling asleep sometimes. Mostly though when I get up to use the bathroom around 3am I have a really hard time going back to sleep. This can go on for several nights at a time until I finally crash. My mind is too active!
    Matty knows all your thoughts too. This can serve as comfort for the mere fact that she'll remind you if you forget something. ;)

  8. So happy to see you blogging! But more than anything, happy that you'll have Matty! She sounds perfect. There are probably no things which can stop a mother from "petting" her child, and it doesn't sound bad to me. It's just love. :) And cats are such pure love too. So happy for Matty and you! xxxx

  9. We have that in common as well. I'm a bedtime ruminator. I revisit every wrong thing I've ever done, and have a hard time remembering the good things. But finding that space between my thoughts has become one of my best tools for turning-in-and-off just long enough to reboot.
    I sometimes pretend to "be the cat" when they are curled up an asleep. They do it with such seriousness!

  10. Yes, it is difficult to shut the brain off. Isn't it? I have to plug into my ears sounds of nature or white noise to ease the the sounds of my own voice. It helps. I keep a journal next to my bedside so that I can write down important thoughts so that I won't forget come morning.

    Matty and you will be purrfect together :)

  11. she is adorable! I'm sure you two will have a lot of fun together. Cats are the most fascinating creatures...and they know it!


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