Sunday, 2 August 2015

Hey! I Resemble That Remark


                                     I am a cat.  I am not vain.

I am mortally wounded (sarcasm alert) because I have just read that bloggers are self absorbed, vain, self promoters, and all sort of other words that might suggest narcissism.  (I can never spell that word on my own but I can always spell narcissus.  Why is that?)

I haven't gazed at my own navel in at least a few hours so I don't know what they are talking about.  I started blogging to meet and connect with people and I think that in all situations the only way to meet and connect is to put yourself out there and say hello, share a little, visit, comment, support and how do you meet people you have things in common with if you don't make it known who you are?  Am I justifying?  Do I sound defensive?  Maybe.

0=fecks I give.  Now, on with the Shawna Show

Queen of Awkward poses, she loves wearing dresses with pants, she loves purple, she hacks off her own hair in the middle of the night....she can do whatever the feck she wants to because she is her own boss.  You know you envy her....I present, in all her silliness awesomeness, Shawna. 



*Posing hurts.  I don't have enough hip to convincingly thrust it sideways.
*Necklaces: you can never wear too many of them!
*Shoes?  You don't need 'em.
*Scary ugly floors?  Yes.  Not much I can say about that.
*Kitchen: the someone lives here look is going on in there.

I am participating in Natalia's Rise and Write challenge.  The goal is to write for five or ten minutes on a provided topic.  It's first draft writing so thoughts, experimenting and just doing it are the main focus.  I haven't really figured out where I will put my little writing blurps in order to link and share so for now I am putting the first two here.    If you don't enjoy such things STOP READING NOW.




The first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning is not the same every time.  Some mornings my face is smooshed into my pillow and sheets are over my head.  This morning I opened my eyes to my cat, Matty, lying on my chest purring and gazing at me.  As soon as we made eye contact she tapped her paw gently on my lips.  I was very tired and feeling ill; not sure if I was going to be getting up for the day, not sure if the nausea would be improved by breakfast, and there was something about that gentle little pat, as though she were saying, I'm here; it will be okay.  You have been here for me and now I am here for you."  I like to think that, but it is more likely she was saying, "Hurry up and get out of bed."  Matty is more inclined to snuggle up to my legs so finding her on my chest, looking at me, meeting those big, round, gold eyes when I first opened mine, just feels like a special moment of connection.  An understanding that we are two middle aged females, looking after each other.

The first bouquet of flowers I remember is not much of a bouquet by normal standards.  Like many little girls, I happily picked wild flowers and clutched them in my grubby little fists, hurrying home to give them to my mother.  I believe that it is this typical behaviour, this demonstration of love from early days, that leads grown woman to hope for and to appreciate flowers given to them by their romantic partners.  Flowers in a bouquet mean love.

I grew up in a small town where there were still wild areas around, empty lots with no houses, wooded areas, fields of grass and flowers, and dandelions, buttercups and daisies were a regular part of my daily play, but in the wooded areas the small purple flours of the wild geranium could be found and they were my favourite.   The woods was magical, a place where the fairies lived so of course the flowers that grew there were more enticing to me than the dandelions of the fields.   I picked little nosegays of the little, delicate flowers and presented them to my mother, who must have somehow found some sort of tiny vessel to put them in.

Fast forward many years-decades-and it is now my mother who brings me bouquets of love.  She has a talent for flower arranging and an large overflowing garden.  I too was a passionate gardener, but having a garden no longer, due to those circumstances and life changes that it is best to take in stride, I miss the presence of flowers in my life greatly.  Regularly, my mother drops by with colourful, artful, sweet smelling bouquets she has picked for me.  Or, as I see it, regularly my mother comes to visit me and brings me love.



13 comments:

  1. Your prose is as amusing as your attempt at a model-pose. Believe me, I know how hard that is!

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  2. i really believe that animals know more then we usually think - and for sure they´r empathic. matty is such a beauty!!!
    speaking off - since you ripped off "the corset of pleasing others with your looks" your beauty glows more and more instead of shimmering shy!!!! this is an awesome photo of you!
    and yes - your mother has gorgeous skills with flowers! both growing them and in arranging! want burry my face in that bouquets! sometimes i want to be a bumblebee so i could dive right in colorful and sweet smelling blooms :-)
    greetings from one vain selfish blogger to another! xxxxxxxxx

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  3. Fabulous stories and flowers and poses and love! Xo Jazzy Jack

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  4. Your hair cut looks really great, Shawna. And I've just scrolled back to your previous post to discover you did it yourself, which makes it even more impressive!

    Purple is such a good colour on you, rich and warm and flattering. Almost a lovely as being eye-to-eye with gorgeous Matty in the morning, or receiving bunches of floral love from your mum!

    PS. I think the accusation of narcissism is an easy one to direct at bloggers, and doubtless many are just that. However, self-absorption implies you aren't much interested in anyone else, and from where I'm sitting in my small corner of the blogging community, that isn't the case. All of us are involved in conversations with each other. We display ourselves, yes, but we watch and listen and respond to others too. And there are plenty of ways to demonstrate vanity and self-regard without a blog! xxx

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  5. Love your hair!!!! You did a good job!!!
    Love your purple outfit and especially those interesting pants.
    And I absolutely love the bouquets of love your Mom gives you!

    And those people who say such ugly things about us bloggers ... Shame!!! They don't get to participate in this amazing world that we do!!!! So they are the poorer ones!

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  6. Shawna, I believe my comment was eaten by a grumpy troll! It was such a good one too! I think I will expand it and write a post about what I think about blogging and bloggers. :)

    I love your writings. I enjoy your observations and sensitivity expressed in writing. I love your mother's creations - they all are gorgeous without exception. But you! Look at you! I just love the photo of you, your spirit, your new hairstyle, and the new profile photo very much!

    ps I'm afraid the link you posted does not work, could you please link again? Much love and hugses! xxxxx

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  7. Bloggers are self-absorbed and vain self promoters? Of course we are! And there's nothing wrong with that. I spend my days focusing on other people, helping them gain confidence and succeed... When I turn to my blog, you bet it's all about ME ME ME!! And the best thing? We can do this self-absorbed, vain self promotion on our own terms: we choose how to present ourselves, and how often we do it. We can control the access other people have to us: we choose if and when and how we connect with others. And why wouldn't we want to connect with our lovely readers who usually have just nice things to say about us?
    Your new haircut looks lovely, by the way, and poses can be ironic, too. That's part of choosing how we present ourselves. We can be self-absorbed and vain, but we can still laugh at ourselves, show that we don't take ourselves too seriously... But, if it makes you feel less guilty about being self-absorbed, maybe we should look at blogging as showing a good example: we put ourselves out there, without trying to please anyone, encouraging other people to do the same: be who they are and let the world deal with it as it sees fit...

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    Replies
    1. Great response, Tiina! Not that I would expect anything less than exactly this from you! I prefer to think of myself as self aware with a touch of irony. It sounds more clever than 'vain'. ;-)

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  8. Your readers choose to dabble in your stream of consciousness, Shawna, because we enjoy sharing your "blurps" as you call such moments of insight into the murky waters human experience. Your furry alarm clock resembles my own Mindy Melrose, who I call my "precious princess Pallas cat." Thanks for reminding me to be in the place and the moment when she deigns to make eye contact (and demand her breakfast be served).

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  9. Our cats aren't allowed in our bedroom, so I have never awakened to find one sleeping on me, but in other rooms where they are free to pounce (lightly) onto me, I find that our orange one in particular, Persik, seems to know where I'm hurting and curls up right on that spot. Wrist sore ... there's Persik. Throat scratchy ... curls up around my neck. Breathing problem? Yep, right on my chest. And when I'm feeling well ... HER favorite spot ... my tummy. Is she trying to tell me something? :) Wonderful story.

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  10. Don't listen to people saying your are a narcissist (indeed a difficult word). My best friend thinks all bloggers are narcissists, but she made the funniest comments on my post in the beginning. Like on my grey green trousers with the crotch hanging very low, she wrote: don't get rid of them too fast. They might come in very handy when you get older. They will hold your diaper." That killed me laughing. I really miss her comments. But of course she was bored to death with my blog.
    I have doubted myself too, wondering whether I badly needed applause. But one day when our King was celebrating his birthday (BIG thing in Amsterdam), I came home all excited at noon with only one wish: select the right photos, improve them, make a blogpost. Now those pictures were not about me or my OOTD, so it must be a harmless hobby, otherwise I would sat in the sun instead of rushing upstairs.
    I think you look wonderful in this black dress with the fun printed trousers. Indeed you can never have or wear too many necklaces. I love necklaces. And cats. I have a cat as well. Have had cats for over 30 years.
    Those glasses suit you very well. Which is a big compliment coming from me. Is it because you changed your hair? Oh well, don't ask why, just enjoy.
    Greetje

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  11. Meh, even if we are what of it! All the people in the world do shit for appreciation, to feel good, to get attention etc, even if it is on a subconscious level. It's the way of the evolution. If we are stranded on a stupid island with nothing alive there, well yeah, I won't try to self promote my pretty dress, but when you socialize and are in a
    in environment filled with humans, it's a whole different thing. People put make up, dress, exercise, they want to feel good and if they can show their "achievement" to other people and they complement them then even better! Bloggers tend to share those good hair days, and cool second hand purchases on the internet and they tend to do it more often than others, or more often than in the real world. So? Big deal!
    Btw, loooove your purple clothes, and layering necklaces is a big thing in magazines lately! :D
    Btw, I saw Jazzy Jack doing the same challenge, I love the idea! Your beautiful writing always makes my heart cheer!
    I woke up to my cat this morning too, I heard her scream MEOW right into my ear and I opened my eyes and kicked her ass!

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  12. I remeber reading one person from Croatian fashion industry saying that about fashion bloggers...if the text was not accompanied by him in his underwear, all glowing with body oil and trying to show us his muscles, maybe I would have taken his words to heart...this way I found them amusing. I mean he is not a model, he organizes fashion events, yet we have to watch him nearly naked in every interview..and he calls us too preoccupied with ourselves? I don't find his muscles that impressive anyway. Hm, it seems to me that sometimes the fashion industry doesn't like fashion bloggers because they're afraid of the influence we might have....they were calling all the shots and now women of all sizes and races have something to say about fashion or their own personal style and they don't like that.

    Sure we promote ourselves (most of us, I do and I won't apologize for it) but we also interact on a meaningful level...not every comment I leave is a work of art or an intelectual discussion but most of them are really from the heart and they mean something to me.... many bloggers are very meaningful to me and I am honestly inspired by them...more inspired than by magazines, fashion Tv or whatever.

    Great article and photos...I enjoyed your prose...as always! and I loved reading other comments as well, I especially liked Tiina response...you always have great comments on your blog and that shows that people have genuine interest in your blog, so who cares about what other people think?

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