When I was in elementary school I used to enjoy simplifying fractions. Not as much as I enjoyed reading and writing, and most of the time maths frustrated me because of the only one right answer issue, but simplifying fractions was sort of satisfying. Another of my favourite activities was tidying up, rearranging and re-organising my bedroom. When this mood hit me I rearranged all of the furniture as well. Thankfully my bed had wheels. When it was all done, sweaty and satisfied, I would invite my parents upstairs to admire my work. Years ago, while living in a quite small and poorly designed house, I constantly rearranged the living room furniture much to my then husband's chagrin. The problem there was that the perfect solution was not possible. By this time I actually did want just the one right answer, the solution that solved the problem, but I never found it.
Time progresses and simplifying fractions, re-organising my bedroom and irritating my ex-husband are all in my past. The pleasure of simplifying is still with me, though. I am a natural seeker, I think, though I would not describe myself as restless nor dissatisfied most of the time. I'm looking for the sweet spot in all areas of life, and find it more readily for some things than for others. Every mountaintop has more than one path to it, some steep and direct, others longer and winding. There is more than one mountaintop and I am the type to enjoy the hike at least as much if not more than the view from the peak. Sorting through objects stored in closets, or photos filed on the computer as I did recently, is a reminder of which paths I have hiked. Sometimes I think in amazement, why did I want to go there? Why did I take that particular path? It does not bother me that there is no exact answer.
I cleared out tons of photos taken over the past couple of years for this blog. There were lots of outfit selfies and I remembered how fun it was to play, and how much I just don't want to play that way any more. I saw clothing pieces I no longer have and combinations I never repeated. I saw things that were cringe-worthy and others that made me think, oh that's kind of cute. I look okay. I saw my hair change, as I can never really settle on a style and usually find fault with even the ones other people like on me. I looked at that woman in the photos and wondered what she was trying to achieve. Probably, it was that same old thing, that cliché, looking for myself in middle age. Gah! How I loathe being a cliché!
Middle-aged divorced woman with grown child, career change and a new home seeks herself.
I have more than one self, which I assure you is not a psychiatric condition. Or perhaps there is a better way to describe it....I can imagine myself having become slightly different versions of myself, I can imagine different types of lives in which I would feel happy, and a big life change temporarily seemed to make them all seem like options. Then I remembered something. I remembered where I am right now, and who I am right now, and that no looking is required at all. I only just had to be and being me is fairly simple. I aim to live like a simplified fraction, this kind.
3 = 1 7 = 1 492 = 1
3 7 492
Closet Makeover Update:
It was a mirrored closet in the foyer and I hated it. So I changed it to a coat nook and no, those are not drips of paint on the right-some strange shadows. I'm crazy about the greyed blue paint colour I used, which is more matched to the blue in the rug than it seems in this photo. It's Behr 'Atmospheric', not to be confused with 'Atmosphere' which is white. There is a missing strip of carpet where the track for the mirrored doors were but my favourite little rug covers that up just fine and dandy. The navy umbrella in the corner was bought and used by Ally when we all met up in Vancouver last summer.
It's a simple arrangement quite suited to a home where one person lives. I've got three other coats for different seasons which are hanging in a spare closet. I want the hooks to look inviting so that anybody who visits feels free to hang their own coat there. The striped canvas bag is utterly useless but I like it. I should say, not that it is inherently useless but that I never use it for anything. I am considering adding a few more single hooks and a narrow shelf above the hooks but for now it all works just fine.