I am not a very disciplined person though I wish I were. Much of my creating happens in spurts of inspiration, moments of just having to write or paint because something needs to come out. There are long dry spells where I just dabble and slide into negative self talk where I tell myself that clearly I am not a writer or a painter.
I set the bar high, very high, and perhaps too high to ever reach. At what point would I consider myself an artist? If someone purchased something I'd created? If some outside authority proclaimed me a writer or a painter would that then make it so in my mind? I suspect not. I seem to be prone to something called imposter syndrome. I always think to myself, gosh how am I managing to fool everyone? How am I getting away with this? Any day now I will be discovered, revealed as a pathetic fraud just like The Wizard of Oz.
I put a photo of my latest painting on my Facebook page and am getting positive feedback I had not expected. Today, I feel like an artist. Today I feel that because I made something that has left an impression on other people, that I must be doing something right. Most of the time I create for myself, or at least I create because I have to. But art is communication and communication has to reach somebody somewhere, somehow, and all I ever want to do is connect with people. To make something that someone responds to emotionally means everything to me.
As usual, this is a mostly finished piece which I will probably observe for a month and may add to slightly. I don't like to name my abstract pieces because I think that limits what others might see in it. I believe that although I had an intention when I painted this, it becomes more than that when others look at it. Having said that, it does have a name.