Monday, 10 July 2017

Recipe for Marital Bliss (and Pancakes)

Even people who love each other can have communication problems.  The most helpful thing is being able to laugh at communication breakdowns which is the method my partner and I are using with success.  I can only hope that lasts. 

It seems a certain thing to me that one of the significant factors in a partnership failing is that the diminished love and care one feels for one's partner is not conducive to making any attempt to understand just how communication failed or to sharing in the blame for that failure.  Both my partner and I are very fond of logic but human beings are not terribly logical, even when they aim to be.  It's quite easy to assume that one's own logic is the supreme version of logic, that just because one way of thinking makes sense to me it is thus the most logical.  It is quite easy to assume. 

Assumptions cause problems.

Two people of middle age, with many years of habits and customs behind them and a slight variation in cultural norms will encounter some difficulty and we expect it.  We expect to need to spell out for each other what we are doing and why at times, or to ask the other which method would be preferred.  Such negotiations always seem to take place in the kitchen and centre around what food will be eaten and how, what utensils are needed, does this food item go in a bowl or on a plate, what condiments does it require, should it be cooked this way or that, should it be sliced, diced or mashed.  It might all be straightforward if the need to ask these questions right from the beginning is understood but it isn't always.

Assumptions are always made.

Eventually, the time will come when we settle into some sort of way of doing things that fits us as a couple or at least an automatic awareness of how the other one prefers things.  At six weeks in of living together and never having spent time in each other's physical presence during the seven years we've known each other, it's a bit early to expect that and thus I can only conclude we are doing quite well. 

By the time we sat down at the table with food for breakfast this morning we were debating whose thoughts and statements were more logical and insisting that the other person just wasn't getting it, but soon we were laughing.  Ironically, much confusion comes from my partner wanting to be helpful in the kitchen and my not being used to having help.  I don't know how to respond when something isn't done the way I expected it to be.  Intellectually and after the fact of course I know how to respond, but in the moment I tend to say things like "No, that's not how it's supposed to be." 

It's difficult not to conclude that I am just a bossy kitchen jerk but my partner always meets me halfway and rarely allows anything to be all my fault.  We agreed that we had each made assumptions, each favoured our own 'logic' and gotten quite entangled in a very silly situation involving breakfast food.

I made scrambled eggs with green onion, sausage crumbles and grated cheese.  I also made pancakes with whipped cream and cherry sauce.  Both of these items were requested for breakfast, or so I had thought but already there were assumptions involved.

My partner had asked for the pancakes and eggs for breakfast.

My assumptions followed:
I have so far only ever given him pancakes with whipped cream and fruit sauce and I only ever eat pancakes with sweet accompaniment.  I never eat pancakes in place of toast with the savoury food, the eggs and sausage.  It did not occur to me that was what he had meant. 

My solution to this breakfast mix was that I would serve it on two different plates, in order to keep the sweet apart from the savoury.  Then I decided, at the moment just prior to dishing up food, that the scrambled eggs could go in a small bowl.  My partner wanted to help.  He arrived in the kitchen willing and able to dish up food and I indicated where I had placed a plate and bowl for him and a plate and bowl for me on the counter.  He began to dish up the food in a manner I had not anticipated.  My immediate reaction was to say, 'No, no.  That's not right.'

Upon later reflection we discovered that not only had he not realised I was serving whipped cream and cherries with the pancakes, but that there is no logic involved in deciding whether or not the bowls should hold the eggs or the pancakes but I had a vision, I had made a decision about how it would work and his logic lead him to a different conclusion. 

Suddenly we have two sensitive, stubborn people defending their version of what goes in plates and what goes in bowls and why.  Two people determined to find logic in their own preferences and choices. 

As I write this my partner is fixing the fridge door.  He is putting the contents of the fridge door back and I think he is doing so with some trepidation.  He called out to me that he might do it wrong.  I have asserted that anywhere the items fit in the door is fine.  Now I have to follow through with that. 

Low Carb Pancake Recipe: Gluten Free ( Not egg, dairy or nut free )

1/4 cup cream cheese, softened
2 eggs
1/4 cup almond flour
2 tsp coconut flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp sweetener of choice

Mix the cream cheese and eggs with a whisk until well combined.  Whisk in remaining ingredients.  Mixture will thicken slightly after sitting a few minutes due to the coconut flour.  Drop tablespoonfuls of batter onto a hot griddle with melted butter.  Cook until the edges  lose their gloss and bubbles break on the surface of the pancakes. 

Makes about 8 cakes and recipe can easily be doubled.

I find recipes on Pinterest, Blogs and in cookbooks.  I don't know where this recipe came from but there are many similar ones to be found.  I've tried several and this one is consistently the best.  The pancakes freeze successfully so a larger batch can be made and stored.


  1. A sense of humour is a gem. Even after 29 years of marriage my husband and I have similar "conversations"! I have learnt he doesn't really like help n the kitchen, whereas I do.
    If we accept help, we have to realise they might do it differently. Difficult when we are visionaries!
    Lovely to hear from you in depth. Much love, Jazzy Jack

  2. I think that every couple (and flat mates) must to have this kind of adjusting about what's the right way to do anything. From breakfast to laundry and cleaning!. It takes some time, but once you did, it's done forever.
    I think that my own 'negotiation' with Mr.A. was easy because both of us had experience as flat mates, lots of experience! and not always a good one!
    besos & suerte


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